Is this just a dream.......

I don’t know what I want; I am clueless like a child in a dark room? One side I dare not to think of my past but at the same time I am so glued to my past. I want to go to heaven but I don’t want to die. I want to come out from trauma but I want my past back desperately, as the word could signify. Sometime life teaches you a lesson which we should learn but the cost which I have paid is express less. After learning the most important lesson of life or understand the meaning of most valuable word, I realized I have achieved a lot but I lost more …I lost my life. I know I can’t change my past, it’s too late to act for the matter, which left a deep scar in the journey, which I called it Life..

My past has changed me ……what I was and what I am today? I have become a mysterious guy. I killing every relationship so that I won’t get hurt ….but in reality I am just hurting myself.
I can’t die? The reason behind is, it will be cheating to all those relationship, who have hopes on me. I have never given any happiness to anybody and my death will give a heart shock to everybody …… But I also don’t want to live. My hope of life has been ended. The joy of life, the inspiration has gone somewhere else without saying me a single word. I am lying on the shore and waiting for wave, which will come with open arm and will take me in the depth of ocean where my life will end with the support of nature.

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My hand stopped while having my lunch, a giggling sound just attracted my attention. I could see a group of girls having there lunch and my eyes stuck to the most innocent smile of which I got enchanted. The smile brought the memories of someone again. I wanted to erase my past but I know I can’t. Why this girl, to whom I have seen just 4 days before brought my past just by smiling. Still I don’t know her name. Something is happening again …… I want to see her smile, her smile is so beautiful, which can make anyone addictive, well after this incident I can surely say that “joy, can bring a hope of life on the face of dying person”.
I was trying to divert my attention but my eyes were not following my order. It seemed that eyes have found solace in the shadow of her smile. Her smile became the ruler of my kingdom and my eyes and affection became the follower of that ruler. I was hungry and I could hardly move my eyes from the enchanted beauty which was giggling in my ears and the picture of her just surrounded me and I felt like I have been hit by the cupid.
Now the situation is getting change. Why again I dare to die why I am loving my life. I want to live, I want my dreams come true, I want to see happiness on other’s face and most important I want to become the reason...I have got new hope of life ……I want to laugh from heart … …. I want to run….. I want to touch the sun ray…. I want to see the rainbow… I want to smell the rain ....I want to see the smile on the face of baby who just born….. I want to sing…..and again I want to love ….& to be loved.
Day by day I wait for her in cafeteria because it is the only place where I can see her, when I see her I want to live my life …. I don’t know anything about her but I know only one thing she has given me a new life. May be god has send her to teach me the value of life.
I don’t know when I will get the opportunity to say thanks to her and she will ask the reason for thanks. She may not know what she has done.