Is this just a dream.......

I don’t know what I want; I am clueless like a child in a dark room? One side I dare not to think of my past but at the same time I am so glued to my past. I want to go to heaven but I don’t want to die. I want to come out from trauma but I want my past back desperately, as the word could signify. Sometime life teaches you a lesson which we should learn but the cost which I have paid is express less. After learning the most important lesson of life or understand the meaning of most valuable word, I realized I have achieved a lot but I lost more …I lost my life. I know I can’t change my past, it’s too late to act for the matter, which left a deep scar in the journey, which I called it Life..

My past has changed me ……what I was and what I am today? I have become a mysterious guy. I killing every relationship so that I won’t get hurt ….but in reality I am just hurting myself.
I can’t die? The reason behind is, it will be cheating to all those relationship, who have hopes on me. I have never given any happiness to anybody and my death will give a heart shock to everybody …… But I also don’t want to live. My hope of life has been ended. The joy of life, the inspiration has gone somewhere else without saying me a single word. I am lying on the shore and waiting for wave, which will come with open arm and will take me in the depth of ocean where my life will end with the support of nature.

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My hand stopped while having my lunch, a giggling sound just attracted my attention. I could see a group of girls having there lunch and my eyes stuck to the most innocent smile of which I got enchanted. The smile brought the memories of someone again. I wanted to erase my past but I know I can’t. Why this girl, to whom I have seen just 4 days before brought my past just by smiling. Still I don’t know her name. Something is happening again …… I want to see her smile, her smile is so beautiful, which can make anyone addictive, well after this incident I can surely say that “joy, can bring a hope of life on the face of dying person”.
I was trying to divert my attention but my eyes were not following my order. It seemed that eyes have found solace in the shadow of her smile. Her smile became the ruler of my kingdom and my eyes and affection became the follower of that ruler. I was hungry and I could hardly move my eyes from the enchanted beauty which was giggling in my ears and the picture of her just surrounded me and I felt like I have been hit by the cupid.
Now the situation is getting change. Why again I dare to die why I am loving my life. I want to live, I want my dreams come true, I want to see happiness on other’s face and most important I want to become the reason...I have got new hope of life ……I want to laugh from heart … …. I want to run….. I want to touch the sun ray…. I want to see the rainbow… I want to smell the rain ....I want to see the smile on the face of baby who just born….. I want to sing…..and again I want to love ….& to be loved.
Day by day I wait for her in cafeteria because it is the only place where I can see her, when I see her I want to live my life …. I don’t know anything about her but I know only one thing she has given me a new life. May be god has send her to teach me the value of life.
I don’t know when I will get the opportunity to say thanks to her and she will ask the reason for thanks. She may not know what she has done.

Give me another chance !!!!!

"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved,and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it"

There is one universal truth that who born, will have to die. So according to law created by God everyone die once and then rebirth again. I know I have committed mistake..…So that I got the punishment of dying every moment. I don’t dare to death, but really this death which I am suffering daily is more painful than the actual death.
In death one emancipate from everything …this world, relations, own body for that one struggle whole life. But in this death I am not emancipating from anything, in addition in this death I am getting the support of my tears. My tears have always objection with me. They wanted to see this world. I was afraid that there is nothing in this world to see. But they start to behave like a brat. I told them that there is no importance of you in this world so that I want you to remain in eyes only. I used to be very strong from heart so that I never gave room to my tears to come out of my eyes. But they were so smart they prayed to God no. of times and as we know God listen to those who remember him by soul. They got the permission from God and when God decide something who can deny that order. Even God was aware that I would not let the tears out of my eyes. But the creator of this world whose rule start from the creature of this universe was much more stick to his promise, which he has given to my tears.
The actual things start.. By unknowingly I was committing mistake. Everything that I was doing…it seems that everything was planned before I was just following those steps. After some time when the result came out I felt that the earth has been removed beneath my feet. I was astonished to see this ….how it can be happened.. I asked this question to myself thousand of times and then realized my mistakes. I felt that I have lost everything ….everything. Because I lost someone and that one was everything for me. I cried …. I cried…. I don’t know how many times but I know if there is 24 hours in a day then my eyes utilize most of the time by crying….my heart was giving favor.
On every moment in life my mind used to take the decision but this time it was out of order….and became mostly affected part of my body. The tears were on cloud nine. Their wish to see this world came true. They were celebrating on this moment. My eye was helpless with my heart because it was written by that almighty. When my tears came out from my eyes then first my eyelid felt their presence then my cheek….it came in flow so that my both hand came forward to carry them. I have kept them in my eyes for so many years but they will come out in that way I never imagined. My tears gave me a look which shows that they were happy, they are still continue to see this world. My tears also gave thanks to the person who was my biggest strength but the same time my biggest weakness.
But one tear understood what they have done wrong. It realized that for their happiness they have given me a pain, for which there is no remedy in this world. That single tear prayed to God that if this will be became a cause for them to see this world they would have not asked this boon. But the majority of tears were against of that single tear they made a noise so much so the God didn’t hear the voice of that single tear. It was the only tear, which wants to remain in my eyes for forever. I was happy that still there is someone who can understand me. My hope from others to understand me began to loose after this incident which made me like I was lost in desert where I don’t know where to go…where is my destination, even I started to doubt what is my destination. My condition has became like there is everything when u need nothing and nothing when u need something.....