My love...each day i learn to love you more !!

I was on the way to my destination “Rajpur”; I was on cloud nine …why not I was going to meet my love shivi after a long gap. I was filled with the feeling of nostalgia thinking about my past, when I saw her first time and it was 5 yrs back in the pink city “Jaipur”. I can’t explain how desperately both of us were to meet each other. On the way I thanked God no. of times because it was only he who made possible this moment.

I was waiting for her, and waited for this moment for last 5 yrs but these 15 minutes seemed longer. “ashu” I turned behind and she was in front of me. I thought, is this a hallucination or really I am with her …I was fortunate.

First thing which I noticed was her eyes, her beautiful eyes but more than beauty, her eyes said a lot. Her pain, her dreams to see me, her imagination about my appearance, her joys, her struggle, and her love ….that time words were superfluous because whole things were explained by her eyes. It is true that love starts with eyes and in my case eyes was protagonist. I didn’t say anything to her and vice versa. Both of us were gazing each other like we didn’t wanted to miss even single moment of this meeting. Our eyes played main character and hearts were in support lead role. This place became Shangri-La and the nature was giving favor to it. As I know no one was there so nature became witness of that beautiful moment for which both of us had waited so long.

Love is the only bridges between the visible and invisible know to everyone. It is the only effective language for translating the lessons that the universe taught to human being everyday.
I came close to her and hugged her. I forgot everything at that time, the pain of being away from her, the countless nights awaked, the tears which came out of my eyes no. of times by remembering her, the responsibility, job, and difficulties….everything. A wave of love swept over us. I felt that I am not in this world, where everyone wants just money, status, power but I was in the world where the most important thing is love. She is an angle sent by god to teach me secret lesson of life. I felt I am the luckiest person in this world, who got the gift of love from the GOD.
Now she is not with me but I feel the presence of her in every moment. Still I love her so much and she is like an extension for me, whose shadow sprung beside me in every memory.This moment, became solace for my whole life. Even today I smile, as through solace by the memory.
We were walking on calm road, the trees were swaying in the wind; bird song - the musical sounds made by birds was being sonorous. I was holding her hand. I was seeing her, her coiffure was nice, and her eyes with kajal…she was looking stunning. Both of us were walking slowly. There was a long silence I broke the silence by saying…
“You are looking beautiful” she thanked to God, that I spoke my first word.
“Shivi”
“Yaah” she gave attention
“I love you”
“I love you too”
“Still I am thinking that I am dreaming, that you are with me…is it dream or in reality you are with me...and if it is a dream I don’t want to awake I just want to with you forever “shivi said.
“Yaah this was dream that we will meet again but now it is reality that I am with you” I said with smile. .......... rest is about to come

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Is this just a dream.......

I don’t know what I want; I am clueless like a child in a dark room? One side I dare not to think of my past but at the same time I am so glued to my past. I want to go to heaven but I don’t want to die. I want to come out from trauma but I want my past back desperately, as the word could signify. Sometime life teaches you a lesson which we should learn but the cost which I have paid is express less. After learning the most important lesson of life or understand the meaning of most valuable word, I realized I have achieved a lot but I lost more …I lost my life. I know I can’t change my past, it’s too late to act for the matter, which left a deep scar in the journey, which I called it Life..

My past has changed me ……what I was and what I am today? I have become a mysterious guy. I killing every relationship so that I won’t get hurt ….but in reality I am just hurting myself.
I can’t die? The reason behind is, it will be cheating to all those relationship, who have hopes on me. I have never given any happiness to anybody and my death will give a heart shock to everybody …… But I also don’t want to live. My hope of life has been ended. The joy of life, the inspiration has gone somewhere else without saying me a single word. I am lying on the shore and waiting for wave, which will come with open arm and will take me in the depth of ocean where my life will end with the support of nature.

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My hand stopped while having my lunch, a giggling sound just attracted my attention. I could see a group of girls having there lunch and my eyes stuck to the most innocent smile of which I got enchanted. The smile brought the memories of someone again. I wanted to erase my past but I know I can’t. Why this girl, to whom I have seen just 4 days before brought my past just by smiling. Still I don’t know her name. Something is happening again …… I want to see her smile, her smile is so beautiful, which can make anyone addictive, well after this incident I can surely say that “joy, can bring a hope of life on the face of dying person”.
I was trying to divert my attention but my eyes were not following my order. It seemed that eyes have found solace in the shadow of her smile. Her smile became the ruler of my kingdom and my eyes and affection became the follower of that ruler. I was hungry and I could hardly move my eyes from the enchanted beauty which was giggling in my ears and the picture of her just surrounded me and I felt like I have been hit by the cupid.
Now the situation is getting change. Why again I dare to die why I am loving my life. I want to live, I want my dreams come true, I want to see happiness on other’s face and most important I want to become the reason...I have got new hope of life ……I want to laugh from heart … …. I want to run….. I want to touch the sun ray…. I want to see the rainbow… I want to smell the rain ....I want to see the smile on the face of baby who just born….. I want to sing…..and again I want to love ….& to be loved.
Day by day I wait for her in cafeteria because it is the only place where I can see her, when I see her I want to live my life …. I don’t know anything about her but I know only one thing she has given me a new life. May be god has send her to teach me the value of life.
I don’t know when I will get the opportunity to say thanks to her and she will ask the reason for thanks. She may not know what she has done.

Give me another chance !!!!!

"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved,and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it"

There is one universal truth that who born, will have to die. So according to law created by God everyone die once and then rebirth again. I know I have committed mistake..…So that I got the punishment of dying every moment. I don’t dare to death, but really this death which I am suffering daily is more painful than the actual death.
In death one emancipate from everything …this world, relations, own body for that one struggle whole life. But in this death I am not emancipating from anything, in addition in this death I am getting the support of my tears. My tears have always objection with me. They wanted to see this world. I was afraid that there is nothing in this world to see. But they start to behave like a brat. I told them that there is no importance of you in this world so that I want you to remain in eyes only. I used to be very strong from heart so that I never gave room to my tears to come out of my eyes. But they were so smart they prayed to God no. of times and as we know God listen to those who remember him by soul. They got the permission from God and when God decide something who can deny that order. Even God was aware that I would not let the tears out of my eyes. But the creator of this world whose rule start from the creature of this universe was much more stick to his promise, which he has given to my tears.
The actual things start.. By unknowingly I was committing mistake. Everything that I was doing…it seems that everything was planned before I was just following those steps. After some time when the result came out I felt that the earth has been removed beneath my feet. I was astonished to see this ….how it can be happened.. I asked this question to myself thousand of times and then realized my mistakes. I felt that I have lost everything ….everything. Because I lost someone and that one was everything for me. I cried …. I cried…. I don’t know how many times but I know if there is 24 hours in a day then my eyes utilize most of the time by crying….my heart was giving favor.
On every moment in life my mind used to take the decision but this time it was out of order….and became mostly affected part of my body. The tears were on cloud nine. Their wish to see this world came true. They were celebrating on this moment. My eye was helpless with my heart because it was written by that almighty. When my tears came out from my eyes then first my eyelid felt their presence then my cheek….it came in flow so that my both hand came forward to carry them. I have kept them in my eyes for so many years but they will come out in that way I never imagined. My tears gave me a look which shows that they were happy, they are still continue to see this world. My tears also gave thanks to the person who was my biggest strength but the same time my biggest weakness.
But one tear understood what they have done wrong. It realized that for their happiness they have given me a pain, for which there is no remedy in this world. That single tear prayed to God that if this will be became a cause for them to see this world they would have not asked this boon. But the majority of tears were against of that single tear they made a noise so much so the God didn’t hear the voice of that single tear. It was the only tear, which wants to remain in my eyes for forever. I was happy that still there is someone who can understand me. My hope from others to understand me began to loose after this incident which made me like I was lost in desert where I don’t know where to go…where is my destination, even I started to doubt what is my destination. My condition has became like there is everything when u need nothing and nothing when u need something.....

Dream......

Dream ……..what a dream ….a word which has connection with everyone. Night and dream both have relationship with each other. Everyone has slept to see dream but I was not one of them. Why ….may be I don’t know what dream I have, I have seen dreams many times before but now I dare to see them. Dream has always objection with me , I always give positive response to dream but I failed to keep my promise.

Although dream promise me to be realistic but even it does’nt follow its own rule. Life is puzzle, which have two aspects. One is happiness and other one sorrow. Everyone is engage to solve it and by solving want to win this game becoz people think by solving this puzzle the happiness will go in their life, but I am losing this game , because I don’t know where is my destiny and how I will achive.

Someone with the great passion for do something great in life has one thing, they want to win and think only about how to win. Game of life not make us to think about win but whole life people like me just make the strategy to win but when I will play the game even I don’t know. For winning the game I will have to follow very common rule that is I will have to play but I was avoiding playing the game and without playing I was expecting to win...